You all probably know by now that the type of dog training I do is called “positive reinforcement.” What that means, really, is that I teach dogs by rewarding the behavior I want, rather than trying to stop the behavior I don’t want. Instead, I work to replace the “bad” behavior or change the way the dog feels about the situation. In other words, no shock collars, prong collars, leash corrections, or yelling at the dog.
So, yeah, about that no yelling at the dog thing… I’m human. I yell at my dogs sometimes. I hate it when I do, because I know (and have practiced a million times) there’s a better way to go. But sometimes it just pops out of me. I bet it does out of you too. Or if it doesn’t, that’s amazing! Keep doing what you are doing and tell me your secret!
I have this theory that I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. I think expressing anger is kind of addictive. Have you heard of “rage rooms?” There’s this whole business model that is popping up on the theory that people want to break stuff to make them feel better and get out their anger. I bet those businesses want repeat customers.
A researcher named BJ Bushman did a study that basically shows that expressing anger (specifically by using a punching bag) just leads to more anger and aggressive behavior. Think about that in terms of your dog. Fido makes you angry, so you do something to express that anger. Maybe it’s yelling until they cower away… maybe it’s something a little more physical. It works, right? So then why not do it again next time?
Is it a vicious circle, though? If I experience the catharsis of releasing that anger (and I get the outcome I want), but that leads to me being more aggressive in the future, is it worth it? That’s not the kind of life I want for me or my dogs. So, I am mindful of that cycle and remind myself to let that sh** go.
I’m not saying I’m perfect at this – far from it! I am definitely not saying that you are a bad pet owner if you’ve yelled at your dog or yanked on their leash when you are annoyed with them. It’s so ingrained in us that we need to let out our anger by punching a pillow – and that our dogs should behave or else you need to get tougher with them.
I would just encourage you to join me in trying to be more mindful of your anger and frustration. Acknowledge it. But then find a better way to deal with the situation than yelling, trolling people online, or visiting a rage room.
It’s been a rough month around here. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in my anger when things aren’t going well. But I just keep reminding myself: just let that sh** go.